How Our Self-Talk Shapes Our Lives
By Gillian Dalgleish, clinical hypnotherapist, intuitive life coach and bestselling authorSelf-talk is the quiet conversation that runs through our minds, the thoughts and stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we can do. This inner voice defines how we see ourselves and how we experience our lives. What’s vitally important to be aware of is that our inner voice is made of words, and our words create our worlds.
The words we use in our self-talk influence our beliefs, direct our actions, and create our day-to-day lives. Their impact flows from the emotional responses and feelings they awaken in us when we read them, speak them, hear them, or tell ourselves something.
Words are energy, it’s as simple as that. They can lift us up or drag us down. Most people aren’t even aware of the power of words or how the words they use affect themselves or others. Crucially, though, what’s very important to realise is that our thoughts are more powerful than we know. Most of us believe that our thoughts are private and that without sharing them with other people, no one is going to know what we’re thinking. However, whether they’re expressed to another person or not, our thoughts are fundamental and a vital part of influencing our wellbeing. They show up in our lives through the choices we make and the outcomes we experience. As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right”
According to quantum physics, it’s not just words that are energy; everything is, and is sustained by energy. We ourselves are energy, and it is my belief that humans possess two bodies: one is our physical body, and the other, our energy body, more commonly known as the aura. This auric field is a projection of bioelectrical energy produced by our bodies and nervous systems. It surrounds us, reflecting our physical, emotional, and spiritual state. For centuries, it’s been depicted as halos in sacred art, and now it’s recognised in modern science as the electromagnetic field that envelops every living being, powered by the infinite energy of the cosmos. Nowadays, it’s even possible to take photographs of one’s aura (Kirlian photography). What’s very important to know, though, is that our auric field is flexible and is influenced by our thoughts and words.
Our auric field acts as a protective energetic interface between us, our environments, and other people, and has many purposes:
It can act as a shield against negative energies.
It can affect our health and is important for maintaining vitality and wellbeing.
A strong, healthy auric field is believed to be essential for maintaining emotional equilibrium and protecting oneself from negative emotions.
It’s also believed that the aura affects how others perceive and interact with us.
Furthermore, it’s been suggested that the auric field is a link between the individual and the universal energy field.
In a nutshell, the words we speak to ourselves influence the energy we radiate. Positive self-talk nurtures and amplifies our aura, boosting our wellbeing, vitality, confidence, and emotional balance. But when we engage in negative inner dialogue, our energetic field can shrink, making us more vulnerable to stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Take a moment to reflect on your own self-talk, where do your thoughts regularly go? What do you frequently tell yourself?
In my latest bestselling book, Tap into the Power of Your Subconscious Mind, I explain how to recognise the influence that words carry, uncover the hidden negativity in some of the language you may be using without realising it, and demonstrate how to reframe your self-talk to better support and empower yourself. We think and speak our world into existence. Here’s an excerpt from the chapter about Powerful, Positive Programming Words:
Positive Intentions vs. Words Such as Don’t, Not, No
The subconscious mind struggles to register words such as don’t, not, and no. It doesn’t fully disregard them, but it processes them in ways that prioritise the core idea or image, which then requires extra effort from the conscious mind to make sense of the “not.” For example, if you say to yourself, “I’m not going to eat cake today,” your subconscious will first zoom in on the idea of eating cake. It’s therefore highlighting what you want to avoid. This is called “non-deliberate attraction.”
Therefore, for clearer and more effective communication with the subconscious, it’s recommended to focus on positive statements and desired outcomes rather than negative ones.
For example: “I’m not going to be stressed today” can become “Today, I can be calm.”
If you don’t quite believe that you can be calm today, then to make it more believable, you can prefix it with statements such as:
“I am in the process of becoming calm.”
“I am learning to be calm.”
“I’m teaching myself to be calm.”
“I’m choosing to be calm.”
“I’m able to be calm.”
Here are some additional examples of how to rephrase the negative statement:
I’d rather – “I’d rather be calm.”
I prefer – “I prefer to be calm.”
I’m happy to – “I’m happy to be calm.”
I’m free to – “I’m free to be calm.”
I welcome – “I welcome being calm.”
I allow myself to – “I allow myself to be calm.”
These statements all clearly identify your chosen state of mind and signal your intentions to your subconscious.
Your self-talk can be your best friend, coach, and personal cheerleader, or a powerful adversary preventing you from reaching your potential.
