The Confidence You Build Doing Things Alone (That No One Talks About)
By Shannon Kate Murray, Founder & Editor of High Flying DesignThe first time I flew to Dubai alone, I nearly cried in the airport bathroom. I felt a bit unwell. It was just after the COVID peak, and masks were still required on flights. I was nervous - more than I expected to be.
Shannon Kate Murray, in-flight (LHR → DXB), April 2022.
It was 2022, and I’d booked the trip without overthinking - just a quiet nudge inside that said, Go. I wanted new air. A reset. Solitude after the breakup of my engagement.
But in the cab on the way to my hotel, the doubt kicked in.
What was I thinking? Can I actually do this? What if something goes wrong? What if this man isn’t really taking me to my hotel?
That trip changed me. Not because of the views or the sunshine - but because I proved something to myself. I could trust myself. I could do things alone. And have the best time doing it.
Shannon Kate Murray, Palm Jumeirah - mid ice-cream at the Cold Stone stand inside Atlantis, April 2022.
If you’ve ever hovered over the “book one ticket” button and then closed the tab... If you’ve ever sat outside a café, wondering if you have the guts to go in alone instead of just using the drive-thru... This one’s for you.
You’re not weird. You’re not broken. You just haven’t used the muscle yet.
The confidence Muscle We Forget to Flex
I wasn’t always like this. I was the shy girl who hid behind her dad’s leg - too quiet to ask for anything, too unsure to speak up.
He spoke for me - always. So it was easy for me to stay small. Easy to stay silent.
Today, I’m often described as independent. But if I’m honest, it’s not something I consciously chose. Life chose it for me.
It started early, with the friendships I had growing up. Some moved away. Some slowly drifted off. And because I was never really part of a big group - always more of a one-to-one kind of girl - I ended up spending a lot of time on my own.
At first, I hated it. But eventually, I got used to it. And then… I got good at it. I started enjoying my own company.
I stopped waiting for people to say yes before I did the thing. And that’s when everything started to shift.
Would I Be the Woman I Am Now Without It?
If I hadn’t done things alone - over and over again - would I have had the courage to build the business I have today?
Would I have booked that trip to Dubai?
Flown to New Jersey for a coaching course in 2024?
Ended a long-term relationship when I realised it no longer felt right?
Driven 45 minutes each way to start solo ice skating lessons and ended up finding a whole new community?
Probably not.
But I did all of it.
And each time, I came back a little more grounded. A little more sure of myself.
A little more me.
Doing things alone doesn’t make you lonely. It makes you solid.
If You’ve Been Waiting for Someone to Join You...
Don’t.
You don’t need a plus one. You don’t need to feel ready. You don’t need to be fearless.
You just need to go.
That’s the thing about confidence - it doesn’t show up first. It shows up after you move.
“But What If It Feels Awkward?”
It might. Especially the first time.
You might feel exposed the first time you sit in a restaurant solo. You might feel nervous walking into a class where you don’t know anyone. You might overthink the cinema ticket. Or the brunch table for one.
But I promise you, nobody really cares.
Most people are glued to their phones. Or thinking about what they’re having for dinner. No one is as focused on your aloneness as you are.
So do it anyway.
Because the awkwardness fades. And the confidence stays.
Start Small
You don’t have to book a solo holiday or eat dinner in a crowded restaurant straight away.
Start where you are.
Here’s what helped me:
A walk without your headphones.
A coffee shop trip with a book or my laptop.
A yoga class, even if you sneak out straight after.
A movie on a quiet weeknight.
A solo breakfast - with your journal, or just your own company.
You don’t have to love it straight away. But you’ll love who you become because of it.
Every time you do something alone, you tell yourself: “I can.”
Let’s be honest: there’s a Stigma
You’ve felt it. I’ve felt it. That quiet voice that whispers, Do I look like I’ve been stood up?
The truth is, there’s still a double standard.
When a man does things solo, he’s independent. Focused. Adventurous. When a woman does it? She’s brave. Or worse - pitied.
But we’re not here to play into that. You’re not being “brave.” You’re just living.
You’re not weird for going to the gig, the gallery, or the garden centre alone. You’re free.
Shannon Kate Murray at Covent Garden Ivy, August 2025.
The Real Win? You Meet Yourself
Not the people-pleasing version. Not the “wait until someone’s free” version. Just you.
You learn what you like - how you move, what lights you up, how you feel without all the noise.
And that version of you? She’s worth spending time with.
Try This
Want to start doing things alone, but not sure where to start?
Ask yourself:
What’s the one thing you’ve been wanting to do - but haven’t, because you’d have to go alone?
Write it down. Pick a date. Then go.
You don’t need permission. You just need to start.
