The Confidence You Build Doing Things Alone As a Woman
By Shannon Kate Murray, Founder & Editor of High Flying DesignIt was the spring of 2022, a time of uncertainty lingering just after the peak of COVID-19. After a spontaneous getaway to Tenerife with my aunt, I found myself still grappling with the emotional aftermath of the breakup of my engagement. Beneath the surface of that refreshing escape, I felt an urge for something more - a chance to reset and explore on my own terms.
Shannon Kate Murray, in-flight (LHR → DXB), April 2022.
With a mix of excitement and nerves, I decided to embark on a solo journey to Dubai - somewhere I felt would be pretty safe as a woman in my 20s. Rather than seeking a grand adventure, I felt a quiet call for self-exploration and discovery.
It wasn’t until I settled into the back of a cab heading to my hotel that self-doubt hit hard.
What was I thinking? What if something went wrong? Was I being foolish?
Looking back, I realise this trip marked a turning point in reshaping how I saw myself. It wasn’t just about the beautiful surroundings; it was a profound realisation that I could navigate the world alone and find joy in my own company.
Shannon Kate Murray, Palm Jumeirah - mid ice-cream at the Cold Stone stand inside Atlantis, April 2022.
For anyone contemplating whether to click the “book” button on that solo ticket or debating whether to dine alone instead of opting for a drive-thru, let this serve as a gentle nudge: you are not unusual, and you certainly aren’t broken. You might just need to reconnect with your confidence.
A shift in Perspective
As a child, I was naturally reserved, often avoiding large gatherings in favor of intimate one-on-one connections. When those opportunities didn’t arise, I felt the weight of isolation. I used to resent those moments of solitude, pushing myself into social scenes that didn’t quite fit in an attempt to stave off loneliness.
Yet, over time, a transformation took place. I learned to find comfort in my own company and to let go of the constant need for companionship. Solitude became a refuge, a space for reflection and self-discovery, marking a significant turning point in my life.
Had I not dared to venture out alone, would I have had the courage to build the business I lead today? Would I have felt empowered enough to travel to Dubai alone or pursue a coaching course in New Jersey? Would I have navigated the end of a significant relationship or stepped out of my comfort zone to take ice skating lessons in an unfamiliar town, ultimately fostering a whole new community? Probably not.
But I did all of that, and with each experience, I returned to a more grounded version of myself, nurturing a connection to the woman I truly am.
Don’t wait for someone else
You don’t need a travel companion. You don’t have to feel fully prepared or be devoid of fear. What matters is taking that initial leap, even if it feels daunting. Confidence isn’t something that appears on command; it unfolds as we step into action. Embracing a period of solitude can be an enriching experience. It’s not loneliness; it’s an opportunity to truly meet yourself. When you do, you’ll discover that the right people will come into your life at the right time - not to complete you, but to enhance a life that is already fulfilling.
Acknowledging the awkwardness
Yes, it may feel strange initially. Dining alone at a restaurant, attending a class where you don’t know anyone, or watching a movie solo can feel vulnerable. You might feel as though all eyes are on you, judging your choice to be alone.
But in reality, most people are focused on their own lives; you’re more invisible than you assume. And if someone does notice? Does it hold any weight? That initial discomfort will fade, while the confidence you cultivate will stay.
Start Small
There’s no need to dive headfirst into a solo trip. Begin wherever you are:
Take a walk without your headphones.
Visit a local coffee shop with a book in tow.
Join a class, even if you only speak to the instructor.
Every small step you take will contribute to the confidence you’ve been searching for.
Addressing the stigma
You may feel it - a quiet voice asking, “Will people think I’ve been stood up?” Society still carries a double standard. A man dining alone may be seen as adventurous; a woman, however, is often perceived as either daring or pitiable, rarely just living her life.
Pop culture doesn’t help, either. The portrayal of a lone woman at a bar typically suggests she’s waiting for someone rather than actively enjoying her own company. But we are not background characters in our own stories. We’re not being brave; we’re simply being authentic.
There’s nothing unusual about attending a concert, visiting an art gallery, or wandering in a garden center alone. It’s a mark of freedom.
Shannon Kate Murray at Covent Garden Ivy, August 2025.
The True benefit: discovering yourself
This journey isn’t about a version of you shaped by the presence of others or driven by the need to please. It’s about unveiling your essence. You will uncover your passions, the things that invigorate you, and what makes you feel genuinely alive.
I still recall a serene evening in Dubai, sitting by a rooftop pool with the city lights shimmering around me. The song “Beautiful” by Akon played softly in the background. In that moment, I felt a blend of peace, pride, and presence. That version of me? She is a treasure worth cherishing.
Take the leap
So, if you’re contemplating that first step into solitude, embrace it. The journey may be challenging at times, but it is undeniably rewarding. After all, the most meaningful discoveries often come from within.
What’s one thing you’ve been putting off because no one could join you? Let me know in the comments below.
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