How to Be in a Position of Power - Without Being Labelled a Bitch
She’s too cold. She’s too emotional. She’s intimidating. She’s not assertive enough.
The double standard is real - and exhausting.
For ambitious, high-achieving women, stepping into leadership often means walking a tightrope between being respected and being liked. And if you dare to own your voice, make decisions or take up space? There’s a risk of being labelled one of the most loaded words in the business world: a bitch.
But here’s the truth: power isn’t the problem. It’s how society perceives female power that needs rewriting.
So let’s talk about how to lead with strength, clarity and unapologetic presence - without shrinking your light or hardening your heart.
The likability trap: what research reveals
Studies consistently show that competence and warmth are rewarded differently by gender. Men in leadership are assumed to be capable. Women? We’re expected to prove we’re warm before our capability is even acknowledged.
Harvard researchers describe this as the “double bind”:
If a woman is assertive, she risks being seen as difficult or unlikeable.
If she’s collaborative, she may be viewed as weak or indecisive.
The 2024 Women in the Workplace report by Lean In and McKinsey confirms this imbalance in action. Women are nearly twice as likely as men to be mistaken for being more junior, and the “broken rung” on the ladder to leadership persists: for every 100 men promoted to manager, only 81 women are - and that number drops to 54 for Black women.
The report also highlights a growing authority gap. Women in leadership continue to face more interruptions, more questioning of their competence, and microaggressions that undermine their credibility - regardless of performance.
The cost of being misunderstood
When women in power are labelled as “demanding,” “too much,” or “hard to work with,” the reputational damage can be subtle - but lasting.
It can affect:
Promotions and partnerships
Peer trust and internal influence
Your confidence, clarity and mental health
Over time, this creates a self-editing spiral. You may soften your tone, over-explain your decisions, or avoid setting boundaries just to maintain harmony.
But here’s the truth: diluting your leadership presence becomes a business liability.
Five Powerful Reframes to Shift the Narrative
You don’t need to prove you’re nice (though it costs nothing to be kind). And you certainly don’t need to water yourself down to be respected.
Instead, try these five mindset and communication shifts to lead with conviction - and redefine what powerful female leadership looks like.
1. Decisiveness is not cruelty. It’s clarity.
Setting boundaries, making firm decisions or saying no is part of your job - not a personal failing.
Reframe: “She’s demanding” → “She’s clear and efficient.”
Tip: Let your no be neutral. You don’t have to apologise for every decision. Being kind does not mean being accommodating.
2. Being direct doesn't make you aggressive
Many powerful women are labelled “too blunt” when they’re simply being honest and efficient.
Reframe: “She’s cold” → “She’s confident and clear.”
Tone tip: Ground your voice. Speak from calm certainty, not tension.
Try: “Here’s the plan.” Not: “Sorry, I hope this is okay?”
3. You don’t have to choose between likability and leadership
Many women are taught - subtly or overtly - that being liked is a prerequisite for being respected. But real influence isn’t built on likability alone. It’s built on consistency, values, and trust over time.
When you lead from your principles, communicate clearly, and treat people with respect, that steadiness creates loyalty - even if not everyone agrees with your decisions.
You can be warm and ambitious. Kind and commanding. Empathetic and assertive.
That duality isn’t a contradiction - it’s a strength.
4. Power isn’t a performance - it’s an energy
True leadership isn’t about dominating the room. It’s about certainty - a quiet confidence that doesn’t need validation.
This inner groundedness changes how your presence is received - without needing to “perform” power.
Try this: Pause before speaking. Breathe deeply. Drop into your body. Let your words land - without rushing to fill the silence.
5. You’re not here to be liked by everyone. You’re here to lead.
Leadership requires courage. Especially when you’re challenging the status quo.
Some people won’t like that. And that’s okay.
You didn’t build your business, brand, or career to be palatable. You built it to be impactful.
Don’t let the fear of being misunderstood silence your voice.
Final thoughts: leading like a woman - not in spite of it
Being a powerful woman doesn’t mean becoming someone else.
It means remembering who you are - and refusing to shrink for anyone.
You can be ambitious, visionary, direct, and deeply human. You can lead with values, voice, and vulnerability. You can hold space and hold power - at the same time.
Because power doesn’t have to be sharp or performative. It can be soft. Grounded. Decisive. Magnetic.
So the next time you feel yourself holding back, afraid of being “too much,” ask yourself:
Who benefits when I play small?
Because it won’t be the women watching you rise.
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