Seeking Rejection as a Recipe for Success
By Tricia Duffy, host of award winning podcast In Ten Years Time and singer-storyteller releasing music as Little LoreSeeking opportunities can be relentlessly difficult, whether we’re job seeking, looking for business opportunities or exploring ways to share our creativity and innovation. Any successful person will tell you the stories of rejection that littered the path to success. In August 2024, I was rejected three times within an hour of pitching - the opportunity was for Christmas songs that would have been included in a Hallmark Christmas movie. And to make matters worse, it was apparent that the agency involved hadn’t even listened to the songs before rejecting them! It was a bright sunny day, I put on my trainers, and I walked, allowing myself to move through a vivid palette of emotions which included frustration, hopelessness, anger, but also surprised me with the inclusion of a little feeling of joy associated with at least being in the game.
A thought experiment started to unravel, what was this little feeling of warmth that nestled within the more negative reactions? Everyone knows that songwriting is a numbers game, so I made a conscious decision to allow the positive sensation to grow. And I wondered if I could reframe these cruel rejections as a good thing and so I set myself a target to get rejected 100 times before Christmas.
The topic of rejection and our relationship with it has become a kind of obsession for me. I found that rejection or even the idea of rejection can be a reason individuals don’t put themselves up for opportunities. But more than that, my research revealed other reasons we might stop ourselves from pitching for opportunities or even following up on warm leads.
Why we might stop ourselves from pitching for opportunities or following up on warm leads
1 – It’s not the right fit
Perhaps you really have moved on, and your reluctance to pitch is simply that you have moved on? That contract, gallery exhibition or Hallmark movie isn’t central to your long-term strategy or desires. Fair enough – people move on.
2 - Fear of rejection
Neuroscientist Naomi Eisenberger, author of Why Rejection Hurts, conducted extensive research to prove that rejection stimulates the same response in the brain as physical pain. Projecting a view that we probably wouldn’t be successful and then not pitching for the project or opportunity becomes a form of self-protection in this context.
3 – Fear of success
This is a bit more complicated to identify, the question of what happens if we are successful? If we pitch and get the job, contract, exhibition or performance, we will have to actually go through with it? This for me is the most terrifying prospect of all!
What happened when I reframed rejection?
The impact of the reframe and gamification of rejection was incredible. I found that as I started pitching more prolifically, I would get a few yeses along with the nos, and as December approached, I realised I needed to significantly increase the number of times I pitched if I was going to reach my 100 rejection target.
The most likely outcome from pitching to any opportunity, I realised, is nothing at all. In most cases I was completely ignored. Sometimes I got a quick no, and other times I got an unexpected yes. Out of 146 opportunities pitched for, I ended up with 22 yeses, which included winning awards for my podcast and getting my songs on huge playlists. All of which would never have happened if I hadn’t pitched!
How do you reframe rejection?
1 – Create a target
My target in 2024 was 100 rejections by Christmas. Songwriting and podcasting are a numbers game, so in 2025, I am grappling with a target to get rejected 225 times. What can I say, I like things to rhyme! The target you seek will be personal to you. Spend some time assessing the number of opportunities that are available to your business or craft and create your target accordingly.
Pro tip - Don’t be safe – you need a stretch target to realise the benefits.
2 – Make a tracker
I created a rejection tracker to collect my rejections so that I could measure how close I was to my target. The tracker allowed me to understand not only where I’d pitched, who responded, who ignored me but also gave me a way to record the reason why when I got a no and learn from it. Sometimes the rejection is on me. For example, if a painter pitches to a gallery that only exhibits photographs – it’s a useful way to learn that more research is required and to avoid that mistake again.
Pro tip – use the information you gather to pivot and adjust your offering.
3 – Chase up the ignores
Everyone knows how easy it is to unintentionally ignore an email, something that arrived in your in-box that looked interesting but ended up buried under a collection of other more pressing issues or spam. Don’t be afraid to chase and remind people that you are waiting for a response.
Pro tip - Sales psychologists tell us that 60% of customers say no four times before saying yes, the same applies to our innovations. Even if you get a no, you can always go back a second, third or fourth time with an adjustment to your offering. Polite persistence wins the day.
4 – Do your research
Nothing turns people off more than an under researched AI-generated cold email, and likewise, nothing thrills more than a personal human written note. It is worth taking your time to research the person you are pitching to and tailor your communication to them.
Pro tip – always stay friendly, even if you are chasing up for the fourth time and feeling frustrated. You never know when you might encounter this person again, protect your relationships.
5 - Do it with heart
Seeking rejection to get successful is a game changer, but to get the most out of it you really must go after the nos with full commitment! Don’t bluff yourself when you do this, my biggest learning is that when I jump in with both feet looking for a no, the results come in unexpected ways directly or indirectly. Enjoy the game and celebrate the numbers!
