Confidence Isn’t the Prerequisite - It’s the Result

By Shannon Kate Murray, Founder & Editor of High Flying Design

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Confidence is everywhere - in Instagram captions, team training slides, and podcast soundbites. We’re told to speak with it, lead with it, sell with it. But what if you don’t feel it yet?

As women in business, we’re often told to “be more confident” - without ever being shown how.

Or worse, we’re made to believe confidence is something you either have or you don’t. That it’s a prerequisite for success.

In truth, confidence is the result of action - not the requirement.

It doesn’t appear before you act. It builds as you do.

Why So Many Women Don’t Feel Ready - Even When They Are

In a well-known Hewlett-Packard study, researchers found that women only applied for jobs when they met 100% of the criteria, while men applied at 60%.

That’s not a gap in ability - it’s a gap in self-permission.

From early on, many of us are taught to wait until we’re certain: to polish the pitch, to speak perfectly, to stay likeable and unimpeachably “together”.

So we delay the launch. We hesitate to speak. We wait for confidence to arrive.

But it doesn’t come from waiting.

It comes from movement - and from discovering, I can do this.

Confidence grows through action

The most quietly powerful women I know didn’t start confident. They acted before they felt ready - and belief followed.

“The actions of confidence come first; the feelings come later.” — Dr Russ Harris

Psychologists call this the confidence-competence loop. Each time you take action, your brain collects evidence that you’re capable, strengthening self-trust. In other words: action creates proof, and proof builds belief.

Confidence isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a skill that grows through evidence - every time you keep a promise to yourself, even when your voice shakes.

Think of the first time you led a client call, published a post, or shared your story. You didn’t feel ready - but you did it anyway. That’s how confidence is built: not before the movement, but through it.

The Real Fear Isn’t Failing - It’s Being Seen Trying

Most of us aren’t afraid of failure. We’re afraid of visibility while learning.

Of launching and it flopping. Of speaking up and getting it wrong. Of showing our work before it’s polished.

But here’s the truth:

Confidence is built in the moment of exposure - not after the applause.

It doesn’t appear once you’ve nailed it; it grows in the awkward, imperfect middle. If you wait for certainty, you’ll wait forever.

Confidence isn’t the reward for success. It’s what strengthens with every courageous attempt.

You’re Not Lacking Confidence. You’re Building It

Even now, years into business, I still have moments of doubt.

But I no longer see doubt as a stop sign.

It’s just a moment to pause, reassess and keep going with intention.

Confidence doesn’t mean never wobbling.

It means knowing you can steady yourself when you do.

6 Ways to Build Confidence (Without Faking It)

For female founders and leaders, this matters deeply. Those hesitations - to pitch, post, or raise prices - aren’t a lack of ability; they’re moments waiting for permission.
The antidote is movement.

Start small, and start where you are:

1. Set a boundary and hold it - without apology

2. Say no to a client who isn’t aligned

3. Ask for what you’re worth and resist the urge to over-explain

4. Speak up even if your voice shakes

5. Launch something before you feel “ready enough”

6. Record your wins weekly - and actually celebrate them

Each action adds a brick to your foundation. They’re not loud. They’re steady. And they work.

“The only real failure? Not trying at all.”

Redefining What Confidence Looks Like

We’ve mistaken confidence for charisma - volume, certainty, dominance.

But the most confident women I know don’t perform. They speak clearly because they trust themselves. They hold space because they’ve earned it.

Confidence isn’t about being the loudest in the room. It’s about knowing you deserve to be there.

Still wondering how to feel more confident?

Do I have to feel confident to start?
No - you just have to begin.

What if I doubt myself?
Then you’re human. Doubt and confidence can co-exist.

How do I build it?
By doing. By deciding. By trusting yourself - especially when it’s not perfect.

Confidence isn’t something you wait for; it’s something you cultivate. Every small, consistent act of self-trust is a vote for the woman you’re becoming.

What would you do today if you trusted that confidence was already growing inside you?

Start there. Let that be enough.