You’re Not Stuck - You’re Rewiring
By Shannon Kate Murray, Founder & Editor of High Flying DesignI read something recently that stopped me cold: by the age of 35, up to 95% of who we are is just habit. Routines. Thought loops. Muscle memory.
It hit me hard… Not just because I’ll be 30 next year, but because that means what we call “personality” is often just a default setting. How we respond to stress. What we believe we’re capable of. The quiet stories that shape our day before we even open our inbox.
And here’s the wild, beautiful part:
“If you want a new outcome,” Dr. Joe Dispenza says, “you will have to break the habit of being yourself, and reinvent a new self.”
This matters deeply for female founders. We started businesses for freedom - and found ourselves trapped in old mental loops.
“I can’t raise my rates.”
“Scaling will burn me out.”
“I’m not CEO material.”
It’s not you. It’s your code. And code can be rewritten.
Wake Up From Autopilot
Picture your average Wednesday… Same mug. Same inbox. Same Slack ping.
It’s comfortable - and that’s the problem.
The brain loves efficiency. It recycles thoughts, feelings, and reactions until they become a kind of emotional muscle memory. But it doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined.
Think a fear-based thought - “I’m going to mess this up” - and your body responds as if it's happening live. But imagine a confident, calm future self, and your brain begins wiring that in instead.
That’s not wishful thinking. It’s neuroplasticity - your brain’s natural ability to reprogram itself. That’s why doing something new feels awkward at first... then suddenly it doesn’t. That first solo pitch? Terrifying. A few months later? You’re leading with ease.
Rewiring, without the Jargon
Here’s what’s actually happening behind the scenes:
Thoughts change chemistry
Positive thoughts release motivation chemicals. Negative ones trigger stress hormones.
Repetition creates identity
Keep thinking “I’m not good with money” and you’ll avoid every financial decision like it’s radioactive.
Learning builds new pathways
Learning something unfamiliar literally forces your brain to build new connections.
Neurons that fire together, wire together. Do something often enough and your brain lays a superhighway. Want a different result? Build a new route.
What Rewiring Actually Looks Like
Let’s be honest - rewiring isn’t always pretty. It’s not a bubble bath revelation or a one-and-done mindset shift. It’s often slow, uncomfortable, and full of days where you wonder if anything’s actually changing.
And here’s something no one says enough:
Just because you’ve done the inner work doesn’t mean the outer results will show up straight away.
You can be doing everything “right” - journaling, visualising, breaking old habits - and still feel stuck in the same external place. That gap between who you’re becoming and what’s happening around you? It’s real. And it can shake you.
But that doesn’t mean it’s not working.
It means you're in the lag - the space between rewiring and reality catching up.
And once you understand that? You stop quitting too early. You give yourself time to integrate. You realise the shift is happening - just underground, where no one sees it yet.
Ghosted Clients → Redirection, Not Rejection
I used to spiral when a client ghosted me. I’d comb through emails, reread DMs, blame myself for their silence. But over time, I stopped seeing it as personal.
Ghosting is rarely about your worth. It’s usually about their fear - of spending, of commitment, of themselves. Some people just aren't ready. Some loop back. Others make room for better-fit clients. Either way, it’s redirection. Not rejection.
Now, I don’t make it mean anything about me. I get curious, not crushed.
Pricing Conversations as Growth Edges
Money used to bring up every self-worth issue I had. Naming my rate felt like standing naked in a boardroom.
But I’ve come to see pricing differently. It’s not a test of whether I’m “worth it.” It’s a mirror. A place where my own scarcity used to speak loudest - and where I’ve slowly learned to stand taller.
If someone flinches at the investment required to work with me 1:1, that’s their edge, not mine. The right clients don’t need convincing. They feel the value. They come in ready.
Ambition vs. Simplicity - Two truths, one life
I carry a quiet tension inside me. Part of me craves growth - visibility, scale, income. The other part wants slowness - space, privacy, quiet mornings.
For a long time, I thought I had to pick. Be the “serious businesswoman” or the “soft creative.” But I’ve learned both can exist. Some weeks I sprint. Others I let it breathe. I’m still figuring out the rhythm, but I no longer feel like I need to shrink one part to honour the other.
Stuck ≠ Stagnant
I lived with my grandparents for eight years. At first, I felt embarrassed. Like my life was on pause while everyone else moved forward.
But what looked like “stuck” on the outside was deep rewiring on the inside. That chapter was where I unlearned old identities. Said goodbye to what wasn’t aligned. Spent more time alone than ever before to figure out who I really am and what I love.
I built resilience. And I stopped rushing.
I’m not the same woman who moved in. This year, I finally stepped out. I left my incredible job (I had the title Assistant Director of Marketing & Ops). I work for myself now. I’m building High Flying Design - a magazine and growth space that once felt like a distant daydream. And I do it with more peace, presence, and ownership than ever before.
If I could tell that version of me anything, it would be this:
You weren’t failing. You weren’t behind. You weren’t stuck.
You were forming. You were being rewired. You went through so much, so young - you needed time to rebuild. Too much too soon and you would’ve run, girl.
Your self-worth needed scaffolding. Your belief needed roots. You weren’t lost.
You were like a tree in winter - still, bare, and slow - but quietly getting ready to bloom.
5 Real-World Ways to Rewire Your Founder Brain
1. Catch the rerun
When the thought “I’m not enough” surfaces, say (yes, even out loud): “Old code.” That pattern interrupt is powerful. One of my friends has actually given that voice a name, and when she catches it speaking, she’ll say “not today, [Satan, for example], not today”. I kind of love that, I can’t lie.
2. Script your future CEO
Picture her - clear, calm, no people-pleasing. Then take one action she would take. Send the email. Hit publish. Raise the rate.
3. Get out of your lane
Read something outside your industry. Book a coffee with someone who thinks differently. New input = new wiring = new reality.
4. Feel it, don’t fake it
Don’t just say “I’m successful.” Feel what it’s like to stand in your pricing with pride. Feel the quiet power of not chasing.
5. Protect the margins
Five minutes before your inbox opens - to breathe, journal, or visualise - isn’t indulgent. It’s rewiring time. And it adds up.
Break the Habit. Reinvent the Self.
Your business can’t grow if you’re running on yesterday’s settings. Tools and strategies help - but if your inner operating system is still loaded with old beliefs, progress will always feel hard.
This isn’t “woo.” It’s infrastructure. It’s how we build sustainable success. It’s how we scale without self-sabotage. It’s how we lead in a way that feels true.
And you don’t need a breakdown to begin. You can start from curiosity. From peace. From the quiet knowing that you're evolving - and the business is just catching up.
Want to go deeper?
This piece was inspired by the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza, particularly his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself - which explores how our thoughts, habits, and emotions shape our reality.
If the ideas in this article resonated - the default settings, the mental loops, the rewiring - his book will take you deeper.
