Alone, Not Lonely: Why Every Woman Should Learn to Thrive Solo
By Shannon Kate Murray, Founder & Editor of High Flying DesignIn the spring of 2022 - just after the world had begun to recover from COVID - I booked a last-minute trip to Tenerife with my aunt. On the surface, it was sunshine and laughter. Underneath, I was reeling from a broken engagement and craving something deeper: a reset on my own terms.
A few weeks later, I booked a solo trip to Dubai. I wasn’t chasing a grand adventure or adrenaline rush. I just wanted to see if I could trust myself again.
Shannon Kate Murray, in-flight (LHR → DXB), April 2022.
As I slid into the back seat of a cab from the airport, nerves took over.
What was I thinking? Was this reckless? What if something went wrong?
That trip became a turning point. It wasn’t about the skyline views or desert sunsets - it was about proving to myself that I could step into the world alone and still feel whole.
Learning to Love Solitude
Growing up, I was naturally reserved. I craved one-on-one connections but often forced myself into social settings that didn’t fit - just to avoid being the girl alone in the corner.
But over time, solitude shifted from something to escape to something to embrace.
Sitting with myself gave me clarity. It gave me courage. Would I have launched my business without learning to be alone? Would I have flown to New Jersey for a coaching course, or taken ice skating lessons in a new town where I built an unexpected community and now live? Probably not.
But I did all of it. Because once you’re comfortable in your own company, everything else feels possible.
Stop Waiting for Permission
Here’s the truth: you don’t need a travel buddy, and you don’t need to wait until you “feel ready.”
Confidence doesn’t show up first - it’s built when you take the step anyway.
Being alone isn’t a gap to fill. It’s a chance to meet yourself fully. And when you do, the right people show up not to complete your story but to enrich a life that’s already full.
Yes, It Feels Awkward at First
Sitting in a café solo. Showing up to a class where you don’t know a soul. Watching a movie with one ticket.
It can feel uncomfortable, even exposing.
But here’s the secret: no one’s watching you. Everyone’s too absorbed in their own lives. And if they do notice - so what?
The awkwardness fades. The confidence stays.
Start Small, Right Where You Are
You don’t need to book a flight tomorrow. Try this instead:
Take a walk without headphones.
Visit a local café with a book or journal.
Join a class, even if the only person you speak to is the instructor.
Every small step builds muscle for bigger leaps.
Breaking the Stigma
When a man dines alone, he’s seen as independent. When a woman does it, she’s “brave,” “sad,” or “waiting for someone.” Pop culture doesn’t help. - it too often frames women alone as incomplete.
Enough of that.
We are not background characters in our own lives. Going to a gallery, a concert, or a garden centre alone isn’t strange - it’s freedom.
The Real Win: Meeting Yourself
This isn’t about looking strong or collecting stories for social media. It’s about stripping away the noise and noticing who you really are when no one else is in the room.
Solo experiences taught me what I value, what excites me, and what sustains me.
(Image: Blatella Films - September 2025)
They gave me the courage to say yes to opportunities I never imagined - like being interviewed for a documentary on the “Essex Girl” stereotype. That moment didn’t arrive from nowhere. It was built through every small choice to back myself first.
So if you’ve been stalling because no one can come with you - stop waiting. Take the step anyway.
It may feel awkward at first. But the freedom you’ll gain is yours to keep.
Your turn: What’s one thing you’ve been waiting to do alone?
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