The Success Paradox: When Success Feels Like Failure
By Nicole Brûlé-Walker, founder of the Core Truths System and a Health & Wellbeing StrategistImagine standing on the stage at an Inspiring Women’s Awards night, having just accepted the Best Large Business Award. From the front row, people might assume this is the happiest and most rewarding night of your life… but inside, something just feels off. Instead of the dream you imagined, it feels more like a runaway train.
So many female founders recount moments just like this one - the journey from the initial concept as a start-up to the achievements and metrics of success that follow. You describe feeling lost when following others’ templates and measures of success.
You haven’t done anything wrong; you just haven’t found the path that is exactly right for you.
The Hidden Cost of Borrowed Success
Business, like so many other domains, is rooted in traditional male leadership qualities. When you try to adopt goals, strategies, and structures that don’t feel like you, you eventually experience resistance. On a superficial level, it is a bit like wearing someone else’s clothes: they might look the part, but they never quite fit.
It is easy to fall into the “perfection trap” and feel pressure to prove your worth or capability. When trailblazing in a male-dominated field, it can seem as though all eyes are on you - either waiting for you to trip up or constantly evaluating your outward persona as a role model to young girls.
"If you can see it, you can be it” came up as a theme at a recent conference I attended, and there is no question that this is necessary to inspire future generations. The importance of being visible in your business pursuits can be overwhelming, but it is crucial to stay aligned with who you.
We are at a crossroad where opportunities for women are rising, but the ceilings in some industries are still capped. We need women to step up and show that it is possible - but never at the expense of ourselves.
We must ensure that the girls and young women around us don’t learn that success can only come with burnout, juggling multiple roles, and losing their identity and self-confidence.
This version of success serves no one. But when you become aware of the signs and shift into your own truth, and really live it, you create a sustainable way forward.
Recognising the signs
Winning at all costs only serves to lose yourself in the process. High performance cannot be the road to:
Extreme exhaustion that sleep cannot fix
Success that you feel detached from
Questioning life choices and direction
Feeling unfulfilled despite external success
Nicole Brûlé-Walker, founder of the Core Truths System and a Health & Wellbeing Strategist
When Sarah (name changed for privacy) came to me for an informal chat, she recounted a recent investor meeting that had gone well. On returning to her car, she felt an overwhelming sense of emptiness and sat crying in her driver’s seat. Her reality was working 70-hour weeks and having no vacation time for two years. She asked me: “When did winning start feeling like losing?”
Outwardly, she had built exactly what everyone told her she should want. Her tech startup had just closed a Series A funding round; she had been featured on three “Women to Watch” lists in 2025, and revenue had grown by 300% year-over-year. She was the epitome of female entrepreneurial success - except she didn’t feel it internally.
Sadly, this story echoes the sentiments of so many others at all levels of business. Below are three practical shifts that can help you reconnect with a more genuine sense of ambition and purpose that doesn’t cost your internal alignment.
Practical Shifts to Authentic Success
Shift 1: Whose goals are you really living?
Write a list of your personal and business goals, large or small. Then take another sheet or page in your journal and draw a line down the centre of the page, making two columns. At the top of the first column, write “What lights me up?” and in the second column, write “What should I want?”
Notice which goals feel alive in your body and which ones come from external expectations. The ‘should’ goals will never bring the same sense of accomplishment as the first column does. Rephrase them into something that feels more aligned - or replace them altogether.
The way we do business is changing. This is the perfect time to create new systems and ways of working that benefit everyone, including you.
Shift 2: Finding your Flow
So much of Productivity relies on your own internal rhythms, so throw away the templates that dictate what time you should get up every day, the books or gurus you should follow, or what routines fueled someone else’s success. You are the only person who can decide what works best for you.
Start mapping the times of day when you feel most energetic, how long you can focus on a task before needing to take a break, and when creativity naturally strikes. Build your own schedule around these insights. And allow yourself time to rest - this is often where innovation appears and creativity flows.
Shift 3: Connected Success
Identify one person in your network with whom you can be completely honest and share both your struggles and victories. Give yourself permission to be the multifaceted person you are - successful and struggling, confident and uncertain. Embrace all parts of you, as they inform areas that need more support to thrive.
Finding a mentor is essential. They help us stay connected to our true north. They can provide a safe space for expressing fears and revealing hopes. As expressed so eloquently by Oprah Winfrey,
“A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.”
In terms of gender equity, the need for mentors to help accelerate skills development and insights is essential. Many women perceive the need for a mentor as a failure and that the fear of being judged holds them back from achieving their full potential. But a good mentor will provide a safe space, honest feedback, and steady support. Who in your network that could mentor you?
The Path Forward
I always say: “Success isn’t something you win - it is something that you remember.”
When you align with the values and vision that truly reflect you, it feels like coming home. This is your version of success. And as you embrace it, you create the possibility for other women to do the same.
You are your business. When your focus returns to what carries deep meaning for you, business flows naturally. It comes from ease rather than force or felt resistance.
I have seen the power of this approach and the impact it has on everyone around you. My question to you now is: “What can you do to align yourself with the version of success that is more sustainable and fulfilling?"
This might look like letting go of borrowed ideas you no longer aspire to - or finding a mentor who fully champions your success.
Whatever these steps might be, know that I am quietly cheering you on in the background.
