Using Joy as Your Litmus Test: How to Determine Which Decisions Are Right for You
Bose Akadiri, motivational speaker and author of The Stay Joyful Method, argues that high-achieving women keep postponing joy until the next goal is hit, and never actually get there. Here, she makes the case for using joy as your decision-making tool from the start, not the reward you wait for.
When I use the word joy here, I’m not referencing generic happiness. I’m talking about your core decision-making rubric, which strategically aligns your life. The physical manifestation of this joy can feel like an inner longing for more of an experience. Your joy is unlike anyone else’s. It’s a passion you can’t live without. Think about an inspiration that feels like the source of your existence. Joy is motivating.
Photo: Bose Akadiri
Once at an event, I met someone new. The first thing I asked her was, “What brings you joy?”
She shared that she really likes problem-solving and enjoys a challenge. She went on and on, and her face lit up brighter and brighter as she shared what brought her joy. I loved it. I loved hearing about her joy, and I loved seeing it in her body language. She has joy, and she knows her joy.
We don’t all know our joy. And that’s okay. You’re here now, and I’m going to challenge you to dig deep within and define your joy because I am one-hundred percent sure that your joy is better than any worldly expectation that’s been previously placed upon you.
What is a Worldly Expectation?
It’s the shoulds. When people say you should do this or you should do that, it’s not that they don’t wish you well. It’s typically the opposite. It’s that they only know one option, and it seems like a safe option that will ensure you have a good life, make money, or accomplish anything you’re trying to. The shoulds are the linear options that are like coloring inside the lines, but you don’t have to take that route. You can color outside the lines and be great, potentially even greater!
For some, the shoulds take the form of questions stemming from societal pressures. When you’re younger, everyone is asking where you’ll go to school, college, etc. Then you pick a school and aren’t even enrolled yet, and people are asking what you’ll major in. Then you pick a major, and people are asking where you’ll get a job. Then you get a job, and people are asking when you’ll get a promotion and who you’re dating. Then you start dating, and people are asking when you’re getting married. Then you’re married, and people are asking when you’ll have kids. Then you have a kid, and people are asking when you’ll have the second one. Research has revealed that these societal pressures are, in fact, “barriers to joy.”
Well, guess what? You have options outside of those!!! You actually have a plethora of options, but no one talks about those or “shoulds on you” about those. This is why the other options are so easy to forget about.
It’s hard to tap into our inner joy because the world is constantly presenting and pushing its shoulds upon us. It takes determination, grit, and perseverance to tap into our own joy. We have to be intentional about our joy to ignite it, be protective of it to sustain it, and be proud of it to spread it.
Joy takes work. It really does. It’s not just something that comes (and stays) easily. I know I’ve lost mine before, but that’s exactly what makes me treasure it even more.
The problem is that no one is talking about, asking about, or including joy in their plans. They’re talking about distractions, or as I like to call them, “the shiny objects,” which are the fluff that is presented to us as a quick fix.
In addition to talking about joy, it is helpful to recount the moments when joy is lost. As you move forward, there’s an appreciation for understanding how joy was lost.
The norm is to set a goal, then celebrate once it’s been achieved. But what if we got serious with ourselves about what brings us joy, then set goals that amplify that joy? Flip the script. Life is precious, and there’s no reason to wait for some distant goal to celebrate.
High achievers don’t avoid joy because they don’t value it. It happens because of time constraints, pressure to perform, and/or perfectionism.
Postponing joy increases the risk of burnout because you go nonstop without pausing for anything, let alone recognition. This is mainly because we high-achieving women will keep moving the celebratory achievement goal post and never end up seeing joy.
That sounds awful! But it’s how we live, myself included, before I realised the key to it all was starting with joy, letting joy guide your decision-making, existing in joy on your journey, and amplifying your joy every step of the way.
The thing is, goals are hard to accomplish; therefore, when there are tough times, and you want to give up, joy will sustain you because you know the long-term goal aligns with your specific/distinct joy factors.
Joy is your psychological safety weapon, which you can call upon at any time.
